I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about 4 months now after moving to university. I am by no means an expert on the topic but I am hoping that this post will be able to help those of you who are considering making a relationship long distance, especially if it’s because of one of you going to university. I think that for the most part, the same key things are needed to make an LDR work, so how big the distance is isn’t always the main thing.
I think a lot of people share the view that long distance relationships don’t work when it comes to uni, whether that’s because of their own failed LDRs, or because they assume that you can’t possibly go and get life experience whilst remaining comitted to someone at home. I don’t think people necessarily realise that being in a long distance relationship at uni isn’t actually all that different to being in a ‘regular’ relationship: you just see each other less and have to put more effort in to maintain the relationship, which I don’t think is actually a bad thing. With that in mind, here are a few things that I think are really important when in a long distance relationship.
Talking to each other
I know it’s a cliché, but I honestly don’t think there’s anything more important than communication in any kind of relationship; LDRs included. Obviously depending on the nature of your relationship, communication may not always be possible but make sure that when it is you really make the most out of it. You can call, text or Skype each other, sometimes even Snapchat can be a useful source of communication if you’re not able to see each other face-to-face.
Pro tip: Nothing is worse than trying to get hold of someone when their battery is dead so charging your phone a little more regularly than usual might mean you get a few extra minutes with your number one.
Honesty is another one that pops up all the time, but no relationship can survive without honesty so why should a long distance one be any different? The only real difference is that you have to trust the person you’re with to tell you the truth as you won’t always be able to find out for yourself. If you’re constantly second-guessing the reliability of what your SO is saying, how are you ever going to get the trust you need to be completely honest with each other? Short answer, you probably aren’t. Trusting someone can sometimes mean telling yourself that the 7 photos you saw of your boyfriend hugging some girl you’ve never met were actually all taken in the space of 10 seconds, and she’s just a friend he hasn’t seen in a long while like he told you. Obviously sometimes you do have to be careful, and if you seriously believe your partner isn’t being completely honest with you then you need to find a way of talking with them about it.
Being intimate with someone is usually quite an important part of any relationship. When one of you is away from home the distance can seem overwhelming, but as there’s probably a reason you are long distance it’s better not to focus on the negatives of the relationship. Creating intimacy in an LDR is a lot more difficult, but just talking about things that have happened in your day and explaining your emotions can help you feel closer to someone.
Doing Things Together
Whilst you might not be able to do all the things you used to do together, there are still ways of doing things together whilst you’re apart! Watch a TV programme at the same time, or read a book which you can then discuss afterwards. My boyfriend and I have taken to watching Breaking Bad whenever we see each other, which gives us something to look forward to and something to talk about when we’re apart, but this could totally work if you were to watch the series apart and discuss it later.
Arranging to See Each Other
Every relationship is different, just as every long distance relationship is different, and arranging to see each other might not be as simple for some as it is for others. However, booking flights or trains in advance can give you some concrete plans to look forward to, which is always nice when you’re tucked up in bed alone.
Have you ever gone long distance? How did you deal with it?